I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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