I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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