I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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