A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize