So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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