Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
