I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we made out on top of his cat.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
