Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
