Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
