final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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