It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
