Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
