I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize