Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
