just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
