After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
