I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
vagina is talking i cant
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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