last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize