Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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