Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
