I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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