the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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