Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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