Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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