can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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