That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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