yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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