I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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