He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
