I puked a lego.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
