I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
