I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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