We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
