i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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