You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize