It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
