I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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