I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
