how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You can't motorboat a personality
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
