you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
