you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there's paper in my vomit.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
