So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
