Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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