i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
