More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
