May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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