I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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