So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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