I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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