You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
