Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
