Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
