You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
