Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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