3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This is my gift to your gina
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
