I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize