The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
