My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize