she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I checked into jail on foursquare
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
