you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
