paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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