Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize